No Celebrity Has ZERO Filter Like Michael Caine – and It’s HILARIOUS!

No Celebrity Has ZERO Filter Like Michael Caine – and It’s HILARIOUS!

No one in Hollywood tells the truth about Hollywood quite like Michael Caine. These are the moments his dry wit, working-class honesty, and complete lack of ego had the whole room laughing.  The only reason I became an actor was it was several reasons actually. One, I couldn’t do anything else. I was too stupid.

Three, I wanted to meet beautiful girls.  Then Alfie made him famous overnight.  My name is  Alfie.  Alfie.  And the first big star to pull him aside was John Wayne with three pieces of advice he never forgot.  He said “Never never wear suede shoes.”  Uh-oh.  So I said “What?” He said “Never wear suede shoes.

” So I said “Why?” He said “Cuz I just told you. You’re going to be a star, kid.” He said “And you’re going to be in the gents toilet taking a pee.” He said “And the guy next to you is going to be taking a pee. He’s going to look and he’s going “Michael Caine.”  And then he’s going to pee all over your shoe.

 That voice became his signature. It also got him accused of something else entirely at a party in Manila. And Caine swears every word is true.  I was making a picture in the Philippines and I’m in Manila and we were invited to this very very posh expensive house to a party. And I’m being introduced to people and standing and getting a drink and all that.

 And the hostess is standing over there and she’s looking at me rather nastily considering that I’m a guest. You know, it it it like and I there was a moment when I was a bit free and she went So I went over her and she said “Are you a drug dealer?” I said “No. Why do you ask?” She said “Why is everybody calling you My Cocaine?”  You know that story’s true cuz you couldn’t make it up.

A lot of people at the party going “Where’s My Cocaine?” And they’d go over there and they’d go over [laughter] there and they’d say “Not you.”  Hollywood sold him as a leading man. He’ll tell you what filming a love scene is actually like with 150 technicians watching.  You know, I mean, I remember we used to do love scenes where they you know, they’re always artificial.

 Either the girl is topless, right? And her boobs are out and no one’s looking at you, they’re looking at her tits.  Or else it’s completely artificial and the and the sheet’s like an L-shaped sheet. And it comes up here on the guy and comes up to there on her. And it’s it’s got this thing like that. And and she’s moving about in the bed with a man she’s been married to for 20 years trying to hide her bosom.

From who? You know?  Yes.  150 technicians, that’s who.  Sitting beside Morgan Freeman, Caine gives away the trick behind his own face. He didn’t invent it. Marlene Dietrich handed it to him at a birthday party.  I don’t have to blink at all. Marlene Dietrich told me that.  Marlene about to  Marlene Dietrich told me that, yeah.

 Yeah.  I was at a birthday party for Liza Minnelli and her godmother was Marlene Dietrich. And then she saw me and I was just sort of famous as Alfie or something, you know, and she knew who I was and she said, “You’re supposed to be a movie star. Why are you dressed so scruffily?” And she started giving me a bollocking about dressing.

And then I sat down and she said, “And another thing, you’re using the wrong eyes.” And then she told me that story.  Mhm.  It’s amazing.  I this is what  And then someone else said, “Never blink. People don’t like that we when you blink.” No.  Never blink what? Keep them open all the time?  is a reason.

 Unless there’s a reason.  Other than having something, you can you can make comments with  I talked to you without blinking the entire time.  You didn’t blink once. I just assumed you may have had a glass eye.  He met Sean Connery before either of them was anybody.

 Caine couldn’t afford the bottle of wine you were supposed to bring, so he improvised.  Um what was Sean Connery like because you became very close with him and he’s still with us of course, but  Well, Shawn was amazing because I met Shawn when we were very young and I was at a party on the Saturday night and he came to the party after the show, you know, at about 11:00.

 And I was there with two girls and the reason for that was because in those days they used to say “Bring a bottle and a bird.” A bottle of wine and a bird,  I know it’s very non you know, I’m a big feminist, so it doesn’t matter.  And and I but and I couldn’t afford a bottle of wine.

 I couldn’t I didn’t have enough money for it, so I bought two birds.  And Shawn came in and looked around the room and he saw me and I immediately became his new best friend and he hadn’t even spoken to me.  And he was over and and that’s that’s how we became friends.  Amazing.  Years later, the two of them turned up on Johnny Carson’s couch, ordered a scotch each, and Carson let the audience in on a secret.

 Would you Would you care for a drink?  Care for a little something?  Yeah.  What would you care for?  Scotch whiskey with soda, please.  Scotch whiskey with soda, certainly.  Thank you.  What what?  From the right side of the hill.  I’ll have a can of Yoo-hoo chilled to exactly 57°.  Is that a scotch?  That’s a scotch.

 Thank you very much.  We really should really not scotch. We’re pretending because on television, you see, you can pretend it’s a prop or something.  Pretend it’s scotch.  Pretend it’s scotch.  Pretend it’s scotch.  All right. Sure. If you use your imagination, it’ll probably taste  Just to make sure.

It’s just water.  But the best thing that ever happened to him arrived on his television screen, a coffee commercial. A woman he’d never met and one impossible decision.  Well, my experience was I I saw this lady on the television in the commercial and fell in love instantly. And And was a commercial for for coffee in Brazil and everything and an awful lot of coffee in Brazil was a tune.

 I just watched it and I thought that’s the woman for me and I said to my mate, I said we’re going to Brazil in the morning. We’re going to find her.  And and I went down the disco to my mate to Johnny Golden in where we all went and we’re sitting there the three of us and one of the guys came in and he said, “Where are you three? No girls? What’s going on?” I said, “Well, I said I saw a beautiful girl on the television.

” I said, “And and I’m going to Brazil in the morning to find her.” He said, “I’ve been watching television all day and I’ve never seen such a beautiful girl.”  I said, “No, she wasn’t in a show. She was in a commercial.” He said, “What’s the commercial for?” I said, “Maxwell House coffee.” He said, “We do that.” I said, “Well, you know the Brazilian girl in it.

” I said, “I’m going to Brazil in the morning to find her.” “Can you help me?” He said, “Michael, she’s not Brazilian. She’s Indian.” I said, “Oh, really?” And he said, “Yeah, and she lives in the Fulham Road.”  He’d already quit once. A script arrived. He read it wrong and decided his career was finished. Then Jack Nicholson knocked on his door in Miami.

 Yeah, it’s it’s What happened was is when I got to about 60, I got a script and I sent it back to the producer saying the part’s too small and he sent it back to me saying you weren’t supposed to read the lover, you’re supposed to read the father. And I thought, “Hello, it’s over.”  So, what I did is I retired and I I I I went to Miami and I bought an apartment and I opened a restaurant.

 It was very successful. And while I was there, Jack Nicholson was also there and he was living in Miami and then one day he came to me. We became very good friends. He came to me and said, “I’ve got a script called Blood and Wine and there’s a very good part in it for you.” And so, I read it and I did it.

 I went on to win the Academy Award for Cider House Rules and made six of the best pictures  Long before any of it, he was 19 years old in a rice paddy in Korea. Four young soldiers surrounded and one decision between them.  When I [snorts] was young, I was in Korea when I was 19 with the Americans.  But we just sat there, the four of us, and we all went, “What are we going to do?” And we all four of us said, “We’ll die expensive.

” And we were going to die expensive. And we we decided we charged. We knew we could die. I mean, there must There must have been a hundred of them. And we charged. And we charged the wrong way.  It was true. It was true. I mean, there’s the four of us silly sods charging through with rice paddies we’re on, rice paddy.  [clears throat]  Charging through, and we charged them to surprise them, towards their lines.

 What we didn’t know, they’d all gone round the back behind us to stop us getting back to our lines. [laughter] You know what I mean? And we just kept running and running. I mean, we ran all night. I mean, we just ran and ran and ran, and we kept running. And then when we realized we were going towards them, we took a left turn.

 Let’s run over there. We run anywhere.  He never forgot John Wayne’s advice. He never forgot the voice, either. Here’s Michael Caine’s John Wayne taking on Shakespeare.  I didn’t even know what it was, you know. So he went, “To be or not to be.  That is the question.

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows  Who wrote this I DON’T  HE’S THE MOST IMPERSONATED MAN IN THE BUSINESS. Almost nobody gets it right. So somebody finally asked Caine to do it himself.  It’s it’s wonderful, I say, sitting here and then listening to you talk, because it I mean, yours is the most impersonated voice in in the business, isn’t it?  Oh, yeah.

 Everyone  Everybody does.  I I can do it. Can you do it?  Yeah. Yeah.  Hello. My name is is Michael Caine.  One more. Oscar night live on stage with Tom Cruise sitting right there.  You have Tom, who if you had won this, your pot prize would have gone down so fast. Have you any idea what supporting actors get paid?  Fame changed his bank account.

 It never changed where he’s from, and he’s never once pretended otherwise.  It’s terribly difficult to explain in England to people how much class distinction there is. It’s only when you go away and look back this is that you see it. When I moved into Windsor, it took me 4 and 1/2 years to build an extension because the local council and the said, “His plans will be vulgar, nouveau riche, and obscene.

” because they already knew that I was Cockney, vulgar, had success, I was going to be like a rock and roll singer, and build a purple house onto a a grade two listed mill house. I know from elderly female members of of my family who should be nameless, otherwise I’ll get in a lot of trouble, who say to me, “I met a real lady on a bus today.

” I feel like getting hold of them and saying, “You are a real lady. Why do you say because someone speaks better than you or has more money that you are inferior to them?” And so half of the reason why I I I always say I’m I’m Cockney, and and I am working class, and I don’t give a damn if I am vulgar, is it just be that and don’t worry about it.

 Two Oscars, one accent, zero apologies. Subscribe if that’s your kind of man. Another legend drops on this channel next week.